


You are mine to love... Now and forever....

by KyoMoeChan



Series: You're mine to love.. now and forever.... [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, First Love, Free! Eternal Suffering, Friendship/Love, Gay, Gay Sex, Getting Together, Iwatobi, M/M, Secret Crush, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-05-31 23:05:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15129704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyoMoeChan/pseuds/KyoMoeChan
Summary: Love hurts, now and ever. Being completely in love with Asahi, changed Ikuya. Especially with the knowledge, that the redhead would never return his feelings. After watching a hurtful scene, Ikuya tries to move on. New school, a new friend, but still a deep hole in his heart. With a housewarming party, everything is about to change. For the better or worse? No one can tell. But a certain someone is unwilling to let go of what should be his, forever…





	1. Chapter one

**_[This story is a complete [blah blah blah] out from my mind. I always loved the thought of misunderstandings between Ikuya and Asahi. Especially when it comes to love. I think it’s AU, it has nothing to do with the series, mostly. Besides the characters and the love for swimming. Out of character, I guess you can bet on it. I hope it doesn’t hold you back from reading it ;)_ **

**It’s my third real fic and I’m a German fangirl. I’m so bad at English grammar, trust me I know that. Bear with me. I’m still a rookie and learn every day when it comes to writing =) hope you don’t mind!** ]

**************************************************************************************

It was at the crack of dawn when Ikuya stood by the window, with a coffee in his hands while he looked out thoughtfully. His tank top hung lousy on his shoulders, his boxers didn’t fit right on his hips. Well, it didn’t matter to look stunning this early in the morning. The Holidays had already begun yesterday. Most of Shionezaki’s students had gone home already. Only he and his roommate were still here from their class. The two would start their journey home today. The green-haired sighed a little nostalgic as he watched over the emptied campus.

 Most of them were happy to see their family during the holidays. Ikuya was no exception. And yet, he felt a sharp pain in his chest, knowing that he would see the guy again, who had changed everything in his life. Asahi Shiina. The guy who became his first real friend in middle school and also the first hard-dying crush, Ikuya ever had. To be honest, facing today, the swimmer knew that he was hopelessly in love with the redhead ever since then. He was trapped in his feelings for more than four years now, unable to erase Asahi from his thoughts. 

Being in love with a guy wasn’t easy, to begin with, but knowing he could never stand a chance made his heart pretty heavy. Ikuya never confessed. He never had the guts to do it. It wasn’t only fear what he felt when he thought about it. It was the painful truth, that Asahi had lost his heart to someone else. His name was Kisumi and was Ikuya’s personal pain in the ass. He remembered the ‘facing the truth’ incident like it happened yesterday. 

It was after the graduation ceremony when he caught those two, kissing at the lockers. Ikuya felt a hard slap on his face, watching this scene. He wasn’t even able to draw his eyes away. His heart cracked into million of pieces, knowing his love would be unrequited forever. Kisumi was all over Asahi that day, kissed him with no care if anybody would see them. The moment Asahi noticed that they were watched, he jerked away from Kisumi. 

Before he showed up, they kissed each other with a passion. And it hit him like a truck, that the person was the pink haired princess and not himself. The redhead was blushing a new record that day and tried to babble himself out of the situation.

“It’s not like you think. Seriously, don’t jump to any weird ideas…”, he said out of breath and looked at Ikuya almost pleading. Ikuya shrugged his shoulders, trying to react like he wouldn’t give a shit. “I couldn’t care less what you guys are doing.” It was the last day they would share at this school, together. And it was was pretty much goodbye for all of them. Ikuya wanted to tell Asahi, that they would see each other again, wanted to stay in contact with him. But he wasn’t able to say it. 

“See you around…”, was all he could say. Letting out those words, he turned around and left them standing in the hallway. Tears were running over his face and a sharp pain stabbed his heart. He could hear Asahi screaming after him, but he didn’t look back. 

Over the holidays, Ikuya kept his distance and avoided every one of his old swim team. He went through his first lovesickness and it was hell on earth for him. Endless tears, neverending pain, whenever he recalled the kissing scene between Asahi and Kisumi. Social life was out of order again. He returned to square one, not wanting to have anything to do with anyone. Ikuya even changed his phone number and begged his brother, not giving it out to anyone. Especially not to Asahi.  The redhead bombarded his phone until Ikuya couldn’t take it anymore. 

Asahi didn’t give up. He went to see him. In the shadow, Ikuya were standing at the open window and watched the scene between his protective big brother and the redhead from his room. “He doesn’t want to see you. Or any of you for the time being.” Natsuya shook his head, his voice was soft and caring. “I’m sorry, Asahi. But some wounds need more healing than others. Give him time." 

"Ikuya misunderstood something. I really need to talk to him. Please. I have to get things right with him…”, he begged but Natsuya blocked the way without the intention, to let him in. After an hour full of arguments, Asahi acknowledged himself beaten. He gave up. 

“Just tell him, that I want the chance for a talk with him, please.” The last words Ikuya heard from him. In silence and upset, he watched the redhead leaving his house. He never gave Asahi the chance to set things right with him. 

Ikuya concentrated on his swimming skills before he went to Shionezaki, his new school for the next 3 years.  At first, he was reticent. He had no interest in getting to know anyone better. The green-haired was still wounded with no feeling to make any friends at all. He didn’t even bother to get along with his roommate, Hiyori. Being alone and work hard on his swimming, was all he had in mind. But Hiyori was damn persistent and tried to get closer to Ikuya with every chance he could get. 

In the end, it worked out. The dourness and kindness of his roommate impressed him somehow. After three months, the two grew closer and a loyal friendship began to rise. Ikuya felt easier around a friend like Hiyori. Of course, he never admitted that to him. But their friendship was what he needed to feel at least a bit better. After a while, something changed between them. After six months, Hiyori confessed his feelings to him. And Ikuya had to face a hard situation once again. He was shocked at first. Asahi was not forgotten and had still a place in his heart. The green-haired wasn’t able to erase the guy from his heart. Not now. Or ever.

“I can’t be with you. There’s someone else who will always stand between us.” 

Those were the words Hiyori heard back then. But he wasn’t discouraged from continuing to fight for Ikuya. 

“If you don’t try to open up to someone who’s serious about you, you’ll never move on. Chances are there to be taken, you know?” 

Maybe, he was right. But Ikuya couldn’t cut off his feelings for Asahi with a snap. Moving on was not an option, not now anyway. Starting a relationship without feeling the same would be unfair to him. And he denied himself to have a boyfriend just to forget his first love, even it was unrequited. Their friendship was more important to Ikuya as a relationship, where he couldn’t put his whole heart into it. Hiyori accepted it. 

But Teenagers start to feel certain needs sooner or later. It didn’t take long before they started to feel each other up, having their first sexual contact with each other. Even Ikuya still refused to be with Hiyori, the brown-haired was happy with what they had. It was only a fling now and then, but it was enough. He knew he couldn’t rip off Asahi from Ikuya’s heart, no matter how close they were. 

It was a good feeling being close to someone. In those moments which Ikuya shared with Hiyori, he was able to forget the pain and his undying crush. He knew he was being selfish. And yet, he was always ready for a thing with Hiyori, especially in those time when he thought about Asahi and needed to forget. _You should’ve never got involved with me, stupid_. 

Ikuya let out a sigh and ran his hand through his long hair. Since middle school, he let his hair grown out and it was shoulder length by now. With a scrunchy, he tied up his mane into a ponytail. He just wanted to take back his coffee mug what he had put on the windowsill when his phone began to beep. It was a message from his brother Natsuya, reminding him of the housewarming party what they’ll have this evening. Ikuya sighed annoyed. 

“How could I forget that. You keep telling me this for days now…”, he mumbled a little grumpy. 

Natsuya and his long-time lover Nao moved in together a few weeks ago. Now the two wanted to share their joy with everyone they love. Family and friends. A party sounded pretty good to them, very much to Ikuya’s dislike. It wasn’t like that he didn’t want to celebrate with his brother and Nao, but the fact that he knew which people would come to the party placed him in a very critical position. 

 _I invited our old swim club. Everyone is on board to celebrate with us. I’m sure you’ll be happy to see your old friends again_.

He got the message 3 days ago.  And since then, Natsuya kept on babbling how excited he was to see everyone after such a long time. Everyone seemed to be thrilled to get back together but him. He knew what he would face. Asahi, the guy he couldn’t get out of his head and probably not alone. Ikuya was pretty damn sure that his escort would be the pink princess. His pain in the ass. _I seriously don’t get what you were thinking, putting me under one roof with him_.

With a sigh, he replied to his brother when his train will arrive at the station. With a sigh, he replied to his brother when his train would arrive. He was just about to put his phone back on the table when he got another message. Frowning, he flipped it open once more. He caught his breath when he read the name of the sender.  Asahi. _What the hell_? They haven’t been in contact since middle school graduation, with good reasons. Ikuya avoided him the past two and a half years. His fingers began to shiver and his heartbeat increased immediately. Slowly, he tapped on the message to open it. 

 _Long time, no see. Before you curse, I got the number from your brother. So, we finally see each other tonight. I never got the chance to talk to you. Or to see you for that matter_. 

Ikuya swallowed hard. “Well, there’s a reason why you idiot.” A little nervous he bit his lower lip. Should he answer or should he keep avoiding him? Well, it would only work for the next few hours before they saw each other face to face. He replied. 

_I was busy._

_Busy with what? Avoiding me?_

_With swimming, you monkey_

_Don’t lie. You were hiding from me. I know it!_

Asahi was hitting the nail on the head. Yeah, he was avoiding him for more than 2 years. He never knew the reason why, and he was not in the mood to tell him. But his guts told him that his long-time crush had a hint why he ignored him. Maybe he didn’t hide it as well he thought he did. 

_You’re wrong. Like I said I was busy. See you later. I’ve to pack._

_Right. Well, see you later and don’t think you can hide from me today. We seriously need to talk. Have a safe trip home._

Ikuya got a little pale around his nose. He still stared at the last message, unsure what he should make out of this. “Maybe I should just stay here over the holidays.” The green-haired felt pretty nervous and insecure when he thought about the upcoming party. “I’m going to kill my brother…”, he cursed slightly and shut down his phone.

With twisted lips he ran a hand over his head, pulling out a few strands which fell into his face. Again, he looked out of the window, completely lost in his thoughts. It looked like he had no chance of escaping Asahi again. Was this a good or bad thing? He couldn’t tell. All he felt was tension, fear and the huge urge to run away, somewhere no one could find him.

“Wow, you’re quite lively this morning.” The voice came from behind. Ikuya cringed. He was so absorbed in his thoughts, he had forgotten that he wasn’t alone in this room. He looked over his shoulder and saw Hiyori laying on his stomach. With his chin resting on his folded hands, he smiled at him dreamily. Not to mention, in Ikuya’s bed. 

“You’ve suffocated me with your arms. I had to get up…”, Ikuya said a little grumpy and turned back to the window, arms in front of his chest, still holding his phone. “Why did you wanted to have the lower bunker when you sneak up on me every night.”

The brown-haired giggled softly, shrugging his shoulders innocently. “Maybe I can’t sleep without your body heat. Besides, your bed is much more comfortable than mine…”, Hiyori said yawning. Ikuya blushed at those words. Although he wasn’t shy or anything, somehow those words tickled out his sugar side. “Idiot, you’re so annoying.”

Hiyori shook his head, smiling. “He’s so cute…”, he muttered and stretched his body before he climbed out of the bed.  "I’ve told you so many times to leave it open..”, the brown-haired said, stepping closer to his roommate. A few seconds later Ikuya felt his long hair, stroking his shoulders. “You look so much better without a ponytail.” Ikuya blushed but didn’t say anything. A moment later he shivered, feeling soft lips tracing his shoulder blade. Hiyori didn’t hesitate to show the swimmer how much he desired him. It also didn’t take a long until he felt strong arms around his waist, hugging him close. 

The dark-haired rested his chin on Ikuya’s shoulder, watching him with a side glance. He sighed inwardly. Once again, he was blown away by the stunning profile, what dazzled him. His roommate was way too beautiful.

“Why are you awake already? Our train leaves in more than 6 hours.” Ikuya didn’t answer. Instead, he tightened the grip on his phone, avoiding the loving arms around him. Hiyori was confused but realized pretty quickly, that Ikuya ignored him. From his point of view, he could also see the phone what the green-haired held dearly.

The signs slapped into his face. With a light swallow, he pulled his arms away and took his place next to Ikuya, leaning on the wall. Silence filled the room while both guys looked out of the window.  Something was pretty heavy between them and Hiyori had a good idea what it was.

“You heard from him, didn’t you? Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so distant.” Another round of silence but Ikuya swallowed slightly at the question, giving Hiyori his needed answer. 

For a moment he glanced at his roommate. He was beautiful. The tender facial features, the shoulder-length hair and not to mention those big eyes that always carried a longing with them. The brown-haired sighed. For a moment he glanced at his roommate. He was beautiful. The tender facial features, the shoulder-length hair and not to mention those beautiful big eyes with a longing look. A Yearning for someone else. No surprise at all. He dealt with the fact that Ikuya was in love with someone else for more than two years now. 

The green-haired held the phone tight like his life depended on it.  He nodded. “My brother gave him the number. Looks like he wants to chit chat, lucky me?” For three days now, he dealt with the fact that he would see Asahi, obviously not very well. But hearing from him this morning, threw him off the cliff. He let out a breath. “Are you sure you want to go along with me..”, Ikuya asked, still avoiding to look at Hiyori. 

“So today is the day of truth, huh…”, the brown-haired said and turned his head to look out of the window again. Of course, this day had to knock on the door, sooner or later. There were too many unspoken words between those two. And avoiding Asahi wasn’t the solution for eternity. Hiyori bit his lower lip before he forced out a smile. He glanced at Ikuya.  “I’m invited, remember? Of course, I’m going with you. And I can see, how you’ll  man up today.“ You’re not mine in the first place and you never will be. 

Stunned, he turned into Hiyori’s direction. His hair fell over the right shoulder by the sudden movement. “What do you mean by that?” He wasn’t dumb. Ikuya had a good idea what those words meant. But it was rare to hear that from Hiyori. Weren’t he the one who always ensnared him? “What’s with the new tone of yours…”, he asked with a frown, clearly being a bit confused. Are you trying to push me into the arms of someone else?

“I mean it just the way I said it.” Finally, he turned to face Ikuya, looking him deep into the eyes. It was hard for him to find the right words, giving up what he learned to love the past two years. But there was no point of clinging to him when his heart was always with someone else. “We both know the truth. You’re still attached to him. No matter how hard you try to forget, it doesn’t work. So man up and talk to him. You can’t run away forever, you know? Do you want to move on or not?” 

As long as Asahi was a huge part of Ikuya’s life, neither he or anyone else had a chance to win him over. He needed a clear line with himself first. Hiyori was man enough to know that. It wasn’t easy to say that. He had fallen for the grumpy green-haired guy, pretty much since day one. Ikuya swallowed hard. Deep inside, he knew that Hiyori was right. He searched those caring brown eyes. Somehow this whole conversation hurt him a little. “Don’t pretend that you’re okay with this. I know you never gave up your hope.”

The brown-haired swimmer smiled at him. “I knew from the beginning what I’ll face. What do you want me to say? That I like you, you know I do…”, he said and stepped closer to Ikuya, being only a few inches away from touching his face with his own, making the other guy blush. “We’re friends, nothing will change that.” He wanted him to fell happiness. Body contact, feeling each other up was not the right way, to make someone to feel love for you. Hiyori faced this hard reality more than once.

Ikuya turned his head sideways and looked down. He had been selfish for the past two years, just to forget Asahi. It didn’t work out. Getting involved with another guy just to feel something was rather wrong, he knew that. “I’m sorry.” In this moment, both knew that the train of riding each other hormones ended here. “Maybe you should rethink your career choice. Healing souls might be a better solution than being a professional swimmer…”, Ikuya said jokingly before he glanced deep into Hiyori’s loving eyes. “Thank you.. you know… for everything.” He wasn’t good with words, but he meant it. 

Hiyori smiled, but you could see a slight hint of sadness at the corner of his eyes. “We should pack and get ready.” And with a last glance into Ikuya’s eyes, he whispered. “I’m with you, always. You know I’m rooting for you.”

The packing took place in complete silence. Both had a shower first before they started to get ready to leave the dorm. The room was filled up with emotions. But neither Hiyori or Ikuya said a word. Despite everything he had been saying, Hiyori felt a lump in his throat. _I really want you to be happy. But it hurts too much_. 

While he folded his clothes and packed his suitcase, he fought with tears pretty hard. Ikuya noticed it. It was impossible for him not to feel anything. _I’m really sorry for hurting you_ , he thought and swallowed hard at the sight of his sad roommate.

With slow steps, he came closer, put his hands on the brown-haired shoulders and left a soft kiss on his temple. “I’m getting us some snacks for the ride…”, he whispered before he drew back. Hiyori had his eyes closed, knowing it was Ikuya’s way of saying _I’m sorry_ and probably the last kiss he would ever receive again. The moment when he heard the door shutting behind him, he couldn’t hold it anymore. Tears were running over his cheek and he gripped his shirt at the spot where his heart lay. He knew it was for the best and still, letting Ikuya go hurt so much at the moment, he almost couldn’t take it.

For a moment, Ikuya leaned against the closed door. He could hear the bitter sobs but decided to give Hiyori some space. He wasn’t good with words neither with showing emotions. The green-haired felt deeply sorry. Hurting Hiyori was the last thing he wanted. Both had seen it coming. There was never a promise that this thing between them would work out. “I’m really sorry…”, he whispered sadly.

They needed some space, both of them and Ikuya thought it would be better to take a walk first. With his hands in the jersey jacket and slumped shoulders, he straggled across the empty campus. He tried to process the sweeping blow of emotions, but without success. It was too much for him. The party, his old swim team, Asahi… and not to mention a heartbroken Hiyori. Ikuya had no idea how he should deal with this day without losing his mind completely.

A few hours later, both guys seemed pretty calm when they got on the train. Hiyori went along with Ikuya as he had promised. After all, he was invited. There was no sign of any emotional outburst like it happened a few hours ago. Ikuya was glad to have him by his side. Although he knew, it wouldn’t be easy for his friend.

Somehow they both looked like dressed to the nines. Hiyori didn’t wear his glasses but contacts instead. His black leather jacket, combined with a white shirt and dark-blue jeans made him look like a sexy rocker, or so Ikuya thought. He couldn’t deny the fact that he looked stunning. _I have the feeling you want to make someone fall for you_. He chuckled at the thought and looked out of the window. Well, it wouldn’t be so bad if he did.

Hiyori glanced at Ikuya when he heard him chuckle. But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he smiled and watched the beautiful guy for a moment. He had his hair tied up into a lousy hanging bun. This time Hiyori didn’t complain about it. It wasn’t his right, not anymore. Well, it never was. His roommate was completely dressed in black jeans clothes. The only thing what stood out was his white tank top beneath the jacket. With a side smile, he thought, _You will blow up his mind. Somehow, I could bet on it_.

As soon as the train left the station, the two of them talked about swimming and how they should train after the holidays. Asahi wasn’t a topic during the trip home, also not the fact that their friends with benefits relationship came probably to an end today. They behaved like normal friends. Ikuya hoped that this wouldn’t change in the future. He needed Hiyori. After all, he was the first person besides Natsuya, who knew everything about Asahi.

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At the same time in a different place, Asahi was laying on his bed with a picture in his hand. His shirt was a little rolled up and his left hand rested on the bare stomach. The redhead stared at the photo what showed his old swim team of Iwatobi. In his arm, the guy who avoided him for more than two years. Ikuya.

He swallowed heavily and his eyes showed some anger. “I still can’t believe you ran away from me. And let me suffer the whole time without a sign of life.” He wasn’t over it. Probably never would be. The moment he noticed that Ikuya was the guy meant to be, he took a run for the hills and never came back. “And you still haven’t let me explain a single damn thing.”

His first crush, his first love, and he never got the chance to tell Ikuya how he felt. It gnawed on him, very hard. And their whole contact broke down because of a silly mistake, made by his best friend. Asahi couldn’t forget Ikuya, not for a single damn day. His heart was heavy and the longing he felt for the guy was unbearable by now. He wanted to talk to him so badly, getting things right with him. _I know you love me too. That’s why you ran away in the first place, am I wrong?_

“Oi Asahi, the shower is free for you to use…”, a voice came from the background. It was Kisumi, who just entered the room with only wearing a towel on his head and a deeply rooted jeans on his hips. He tilted his head and rose a brow, watching his best friend who was still brooding on the bed, for hours now. “How long are you going to stare at this picture?”

“As long as I want…”, the redhead said, being in a shitty mood. Kisumi sighed and took a seat on the desk chair, rolling with it over to the bed. “You’re going to see him tonight, so stop being angry with me.” Asahi just shot a glare at him and turned back to the picture, making Kisumi rolling his eyes. He started to rub his hair dry with the towel. For a moment, there was silence. A silence what the pink haired couldn’t take.

“Okay, I made a mistake that day. But you were the one who asked me, how you should confess. Hey, that’s the step I would have taken. Just Kiss him. I just didn’t say it, I showed it to you.”

Asahi couldn’t help and glared a new level of evil looking Satan into his direction, making Kisumi cringe on his seat. He got goosebumps just at the death glaring look. “Sorry..”, he muttered, drew his eyes down and rubbed his hair dry again.

The redhead sighed and rubbed his eyes. He placed the photo next to him on the pillow. “I know you are. I’m not blaming you. I know you meant it well.” They were best friends since middle school. No deep feelings grew between them, just an intensive bond of friendship, he never wanted to miss in his life.

Asahi was in love with Ikuya from the very beginning of middle school. There was never anyone else, not even a fling or something. And Kisumi, oh well, the guy had bad luck with his choices of guys. He went from one hard crush into another, without any success. The ride of lovesickness seemed to be a neverending story. Asahi hoped, he would find someone soon, who was serious with him and could return the love he had to give.

“I just feel frustrated. I took me 2 freaking years to get the truth out of Natsuya, including Ikuya’s number…”, Asahi went on and sat up straight, looking at his best friend for the first time since he entered the room. “He felt the same and I blew it.”  24 hours ago was the day of truth for him since the incident. Asahi had bugged his former captain so damn much until Natsuya couldn’t take it anymore.

 _He was in love with you. And as far as I know, he still is. You can’t blame me for protecting my little brother. He was pretty shattered, seeing you kiss someone else. Ikuya’s wish was to have a rest from you. I just fulfilled his wish_.

Asahi felt happiness and sadness at the same time. Finally, he knew the truth. And it took more than 2 years to hear it. But it hurt him so much, that they wasted so much time to get on this train of truth.  “I’m going to set things right. And tell him how I feel. He’s my future and I’m not letting him run away again. I love him, Kisumi.”

  
The pink haired smiled and looked compassionately at his best friend. “I know you do. But.. have you ever thought about the possibility that he did move on?”

Hearing those words, made him pale around his nose. He stared at Kisumi, in fear. Of course, he hadn’t thought about it, at all. Asahi felt panic, rising in his stomach. He didn’t answer. His throat was constricted.

“I mean…”, Kisumi continued, chewing on his lower lip, nervously. “What are you going to do, if he has a boyfriend?” 

  
A boyfriend? Could it be, that Ikuya really moved on without him? Was another guy the reason for avoiding him? The whole freaking time?

**~ ~ TBC ~ ~**


	2. Chapter 2

_What will you do if he has a boyfriend?_  
  
The question hit him like a hammer straight into the face. Asahi stared at Kisumi, being pale around his nose and unable to give him a perky answer. Instead of swank around with self-confidence, he turned around and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. His thoughts took a wild ride across an endless line of panic. Asahi's heart raced on a high level the moment he stepped under the water.  
Minutes passed, and he just let the hot water caressing his body. The question hit him off guard. He stared at the tiles, still being pale. The possibility that Ikuya could have a boyfriend never made it to his brain. Only the thought of it drove him almost into a panic attack

In all those years, he never had a single worry when it came to Ikuya and dating someone. _He's socially awkward. No way, he would get a boyfriend._ He felt too certain. Asahi thought no one could get in the way. Was his ego too huge? Was this the reason why he never heard of Ikuya for the past years? A freaking boyfriend?

But then he remembered, how cute Ikuya was during middle school. Those big eyes, the chin-length bangs, and his grumpy side. His character traits were one of the reasons, why he fell in love with him in the first place. Asahi even enjoyed the daily bickering. For those moments, he had lived during their school time.

"You were so adorable...", he muttered under his breath. He still stared at the tiles, remembering the old days. His heart ached and he noticed again, how much he missed the guy.

Now they haven't seen each other for almost three years. Of course, they have changed, both of them. So what if someone else had sparked an interest in him. _Would Ikuya date anyone_? The redhead's heart began to thump pretty wild.

With clenched fists, he bashed against the tiles. Anger, panic, and frustration. He felt it all right now. Asahi had his head down, letting the water running over his neck. Like being in a trance, he watched the water vanishing into the outward flow. God damn it, he didn't know Ikuya was into him back then. He thought he was the only one, craving to be loved by him.

Sure, he had the spark of hope that Ikuya would return his feelings. That's why he had asked Kisumi to help him. But kissing Kisumi had got them into the situation, where they were now. They didn't talk to each other, no contact, no single sign of life.

_I should've have confessed to you the moment I knew you should be mine._

He regretted his actions like hell and wished that he could turn back time, to do it right in the first place. But there wasn't a freaking time machine to do so. Asahi had to face him now, hoping he would get a second chance. Thanks to Natsuya, he knew everything now. Well, at least halfway more as three years ago.

_You are meant to be on my side. Why the hell did I screw up so much?_

Ikuya was Asahi's first and only love. The one you will always carry in your heart. But a mistake and changing school ripped them apart, Just because he hadn't the balls to say those three little words, what makes every heart flutter.

Asahi had never shown an interest in anyone else. No one stood a chance when it came to Ikuya. Seduction didn't work on him. But to be honest, he wasn't an innocent lamb. He was a teenager with rising needs and one way or another he also made his experiences. Mostly he ended up with another guy when he missed Ikuya the most when the pain suffocated him. Some kissing here, feeling each other up there.

But not a single guy was able to put him on the leash, dragging him into a serious relationship. Ikuya was the only one he wanted as his boyfriend. Maybe that was the reason why never felt to sleep with anyone.

He Loved Ikuya and wanted to be with him. Today, he had pushed his fear away to be finally honest to him. And now, everything should be over before it even started? Asahi had no intention to let that happen.

_I won't let go of you. You feel the same way as I do. You are mine to love._

This time, he needed to make it the right way. Asahi didn’t fight tooth and nail with Natsuya for nothing. He even begged him on his knees, to help him. And after a lot of apologizing and tears, Natsuya had given in.

Lack of self-confidence wasn't his style. But Kisumi had created huge panic inside of him. The chance that the guy he loved the most could have moved on, was horror trip for his brain. He couldn't stand the thought of it.

You should be laying in my arms. You wouldn't dare to date anyone else, right? Only me, please?  
He closed his eyes and threw his head back into the neck. Slowly, he ran his hands into the hair and entangled his fingers at the back of the head. For a few minutes, he only let the water splashing over his face, trying to get his shit together.

_I won't give up on you. I don't give a flying shit if you have another guy._

It took a few minutes before he finally calmed himself down. He took a deep breath and shut off the water. With both hands, he wiped off the water from his face and shook his wet strands. Next, to him where a blue towel what, he took to dry his body. His ego was back, indestructible more than ever.

Today was the day, where he would man up and stood to the love he always had. It only took a few more minutes until Asahi had dressed up. A white jacket, white jeans, and a black shirt to add a color difference to it. His hair was perfectly styled. The redhead looked like he was about to have the most important date in his life. With a last look into the mirror, he approved himself with a nod. Yeah, he looked pretty good.

The mood was much better when he rejoined Kisumi, who had dolled up as well. His best friend wore a pink suit and highlighted the outfit with a black shirt. He looked pretty amazing. But to leave out a shady comment, Asahi couldn't resist.  
"Dude, we're going to a housewarming party. Why do you look like you're going to a fashion show...", he asked teasingly, arms crossed over his chest. Asahi couldn't hide a huge grin.

Kisumi snorted. "Look who's talking. Your hair strands are way too perfect. Did you style it after a tape measure?"

Asahi rolled his eyes and shook his head. The other guy giggled and shrugged his shoulders before he slid his fingers elegantly through his styled curls.

"I have to be prepared for some goodies. You never know who will show up.

Asahi sighed a little theatrical and shook his head. His best friend and acquaintances were a world apart. Most of the time things went the wrong way and ended in heartache. Kisumi was the one who suffered, each time.

“You sure you want to jump at anyone today? You, know he will be there too. Probably with him.”

It was a sensitive topic. Kisumi’s crush on Makoto was a long line of lovelornness. At least he knew, he would never get the chance to get any closer to him. A friend was all he was to Makoto, who had found his love in Sosuke. Kisumi had cried a river for a long time, dealing with it.

“I can’t cry forever about someone, who’s long taken. But don’t worry, I won’t make a monkey out of myself. Just let me enjoy life a little...”, he said while he fumbled on the sleeves of his jacket. It still hurt, but he wanted to move on. “I can deal with it."

_I know you are not over it. But it’s a start._

Asahi stepped closer and gave him a loving pat on his right shoulder. “I’m with you no matter what. Just stay away from any alcohol. Remember, you can’t handle it, and I won’t carry you home.”

Kisumi chuckled and turned his head, gazing at his friend with a wide grin. “Oh, I don’t know. Making you my personal horse for a walk home has some perks.”

“Shut up...”, Asahi grumbled, only to let Kisumi smirking even more.

The redhead grabbed the bags with the presents for their seniors. With a glance at the clock, he started to curse. “Shit, we're late.” He took the car keys from his desk and threw it to Kisumi, who snared it easily.

Kisumi glanced at his watch, frowning. They had plenty of time, so why was Asahi in such a hurry. He was about to ask him when he saw that the other guy was already on his heels on the way to head out.

Then he started to get it. Asahi wasn't in a hurry to arrive too soon at the party. No. He planned to hit the station, as a surprise attack. _He can't be serious_! Before he even gave his friend the chance to leave the room, he was already in front of the door. Kisumi placed his right hand on Asahi's chest, kept him from walking any further. He looked at him pretty serious.  
  
"Okay, I'm not going to do a happy dance just because you decided to be suicidal. Did you lost your mind?"  
  
Asahi's left brow rose as he looked at Kisumi, irritated. "What are you doing? The train will arrive in 30 minutes. We have to go, now."  
  
"Did you fall on your head last night and lost your remaining brain? You can't knock him off without any warning sign." He shook his head in disbelief. This idea was the worst idea he ever had.  
  
The redhead pursed his lips and sighed. He took a step back, only to look better at Kisumi. “I have discussed it with his brother. He said it’s okay that we pick him up.”  
  
Facing the hard facts, Asahi had begged his former captain, on his knees that he could go to the station. He wanted to be the first face Ikuya saw before all the party guests came. But he had no intention to babble about this to Kisumi.  
  
He couldn’t believe his ears. Kisumi got that he missed the guy, but to surprise him after everything that went down? “I heard love turns you into an idiot. I’ve been there. Do you really have a death wish? He's not going to be happy about it.”  
  
Frowning, Asahi listened to what his friend had to say. He bit his lower lip constantly while his eyes narrowed. He knew that he was about to step into the lion's den. He just didn't care. When Kisumi finished his speech, he looked at him, determined.  
  
"For almost three years, I've been dying for this moment. I know, I screwed up. We both suffered. For nothing. I wanna see him now. I can live with it if he kicks my ass. I don't care if you think I'm suicidal. Can we go now, please?`"  
  
Kisumi searched his eyes and sighed. He nodded, understood how he felt.  
  
„Okay, but if he kills you right at the spot, don't say I didn't warn you...", he muttered and let Asahi pass him to leave the room.  
  
„That's alright with me. At least I'll die happy. And finally feel the love of his hands."  
  
The pink haired rolled his eyes and followed Asahi. "Hopeless idiot."  
  
Kisumi drove to the station in complete silence. He concentrated on the traffic in front while Asahi was brooding next to him. The redhead had leaned his temple on the window, glancing outside. Right now, they had nothing to say.  
  
Slowly, his nervousness crept back what made him chewing on his lower lip. He let his fingers play with each other like an excited kid, his mind full of the first encounter with Ikuya, after such a long time.  
  
Now and then, Kisumi glanced at his friend, making sure he would be okay. But after 10 minutes, he had enough of this bundle of nerves next to him.  
  
„Dude, if you don't chill you will never kiss anyone again. There will be no lips left to do so."  
  
„Shut up...", Asahi mumbled but stopped with the biting on his lips.  
  
Once more, Kisumi glanced at him before he headed to the parking lot at the station. „You okay?"  
  
„I will be, soon."  
  
After finding the right parking spot, Asahi took a deep breath and stepped off the car. Pulling his phone out of his jacket, he checked which platform the train would arrive.  
  
With an earnest expression, he looked around until he found the right entrance. He pointed at it and said, “we have to go there.”  
  
„Alright, let's get ready to die..", Kisumi muttered and followed Asahi, who was already ahead of him.  
  
Asahi hurried like his life depended on it. Kisumi had pretty issues to keep up with him. They still had 5 minutes left until the train would come in. Not straining his friend's nerves any further Kisumi walked behind him in silence. He didn't dare to say a wrong word. Asahi's line of good nerves was already pretty thin.  
  
Suddenly, Asahi stopped so fast, Kisumi ran straight into his back and hit his nose. "Geez, you idiot. Watch it...", he winced and rubbed over the bridge of his nose.  
  
He ignored Kisumi‘s rant and checked his phone instead again. With a glance at the platform number, he nodded to himself, satisfied. „This is the one.“  
  
„Good...“, Kisumi mumbled, still caressing his nose what turned a little reddish. „Then I get a swollen nose for a good cause.“  
  
Asahi chuckled and glanced at his friend, winked at him teasingly. „You‘re still looking good. Don‘t worry about it.“ The last few minutes went on and on. If felt like the watch hand wouldn‘t even move one bit.  
  
„How long can a few minutes be, Damn it...“, he cursed and started to bit on his lip again. The closer he came to see Ikuya, the more he turned into a wrecking ball. His eyes looked straight ahead. He didn't even blink, only looking into the direction where he could see the train when it came in.  
  
Kisumi shook his head, sighing. Reassuringly, he patted his friend's shoulder. "Keep breathing tough guy. Just keep cool, okay? And stop screwing with your god damn lips...", he scolded him.  
  
The redhead chuckled and calmed down. Kisumi always had the talent to reassure him, no matter what. He glanced at the clock. A smile escaped his lips.  
  
"Only three minutes left."  
  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
While two impatient guys were waiting for their arrival, hell broke loose in the train. Hiyori flinched in his seat when Ikuya began to yell into the phone like there was no tomorrow.  
  
“What the hell do you mean by you won’t pick us up? Aniki, stop shitting with me.”  
  
His eyes were filled with disbelief. For a few minutes now, he had his brother on the line, and his mood went sour. Ikuya stepped back and forth while he listened to his brother’s voice. He shook his head, and some strands left his bun.  
  
The brown haired didn’t even dare to make a sound, aware of Ikuya’s temper. One wrong word and a fight would begin between them.  
  
„Ikuya, calm down..", Natsuya said gently. He sighed. „Listen to me, before you fall down caused by breathlessness."  
  
The green haired pursed his lips, royally pissed. He had not the slightest clue about what was happening here. For a moment he closed his eyes and massaged his forehead with his fingertips. “Fine. I’m listening.” He was trying to calm himself down, but it didn’t work. He felt already anxious, and he hated that feeling.  
  
There was a gap of silence until Natsuya began to speak again. Those seconds of waiting pecked even more on his mood. “Asahi came by. He asked me, actually begged me on his knees to be the one who picked you up. Ikuya, he really wants to see you. I couldn't deny him that.”  
  
Suddenly, Ikuya stopped with the pacing, and stared out of the window, the platform slowly coming in sight. He went pale. It was a stunner, and it smacked him across the face. The green haired swallowed hard.  
  
"Have you thought about how I would feel, pushing me into such an act? I'm not ready to face him right away, Aniki."  
  
Of course, he was dealing with the situation that they would see each other today. And a part of him wanted it badly. But he thought he had still a little time left, to scale down his nervousness.  
  
Natsuya sighed, and somehow he could hear, how his brother rubbed his eyes. “I’m sorry, that I threw you into such a surprise attack. Ikuya, he’s trying to make it right. And I thought it would be okay. Don’t be mad okay?”  
  
Slowly, he tilted back his head and looked at the ceiling of the train. Still not believing what they had planned behind his back. He wasn’t mad, he was afraid. After all, he would meet the guy who made him crazy for years for the first time again.  
  
"Is he coming alone...", he asked with a little tremble in his voice.  
  
"I don't know. But, I can ease you. Nothing is going on between them. Give him a chance. I'll see you soon. We are waiting for you to come home."  
  
The train went slower and no chance to escape this situation. Ikuya glanced out of the window, a flash of panic reflected his features. _No going back, huh_?  
  
He sighed. "I try not to kill him. See you later...", Ikuya mumbled into the phone before he ended the call. A few seconds later, the train came to a halt. Ikuya didn't move. Like a statue, he was glued at the spot where he stood. Hiyori had left his seat, carrying his luggage and stepped next to him. There was still no reaction. Gently, the brown haired touched his forearm.  
  
"Ikuya, if you don't want us to land in another city, we have to get out of the train."  
  
Ikuya jerked briefly at the soft touch of his friend. "Yeah, I know." He didn't need to say anything. Hiyori just studied his face for a moment and knew that a certain someone was outside, waiting for him.  
  
„We shouldn't keep him waiting. Let's face it you want to see him too, right?"  
  
Of course, he wanted that but he didn't expect a surprise attack at the station. Above that, he had a bad feeling Asahi wouldn't be there alone waiting for them. Only thinking about Kisumi gave him evil goosebumps.  
  
The green haired murmured something he couldn’t understand. But he heard that the grumpy tone in his voice was back. Hiyori couldn’t help and chuckled while he followed him outside.  
  
He was just two steps behind Ikuya when he stopped him, putting a hand on the green haired's shoulder. „Wait, before you face him...", he said.  
  
Ikuya turned around and asked confused, „what?"  
  
Hiyori smiled and took a few steps further until he stood close in front of him. For a moment, he took in those beautiful features and smiled a bit sadly.  
  
„You should show off everything you have...", he said softly and reached for Ikuya's bun to remove the scrunchy, letting his hair falling down to his shoulders. „I have told you that many times before. You look sexy with your hair open."  
  
Ikuya blushed and drew his eyes away from him. “Stop it. You are sappy again...”, he muttered and narrowed his eyes a little angrily. Usually, he wasn’t shamefaced so easily. But Hiyori had a way being too cheesy. His whole face turned into a tomato.  
  
Hiyori chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. He tilted his head aside, looking at Ikuya. “I know, sorry. But you are gorgeous.”  
  
_Damn._ This world was cruel to him. Hiyori sighed inwardly. This was the last moment they would share, being so close. He wanted to pull him into his arms, wanted to bury his hands in Ikuya’s hair. He didn't do it, no matter how much he longed for. There was someone waiting for Ikuya. "I wish only for your happiness."  
  
„Thank you, for everything...“, Ikuya said in a whisper and glanced at his friend, a faint smile on his lips. He screwed a lot with this guy. A part of him knew he didn’t deserve his friendship. But he was still there, by his side and that was more important to Ikuya than having a messed up relationship with him.  
  
The green haired took a deep breath. “Let’s face the devil...”, he said, turning around and about to fall into the steps but he froze. Slowly, his eyes widened. There he was, about 30 feet away from him. A redhead in white with broad shoulders, staring at him.  
  
A light pull of wind brushed over Ikuya's head, letting his long hair fly. He didn't take one step further he just stood there looking at Asahi with a deep slump in his throat.  
  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
  
The train came to a halt. Seconds passed until the door opened, passengers began to step out it. Asahi elongated his head to glance over the people who walked into their direction. He was tall enough to do so. But he couldn't make out where Ikuya

was. The redhead frowned. Did he miss the train?  
  
"Can you see him...", he asked Kisumi who stood next to him. He shook his head. The only thing his friend saw, was the crowd in front of them.  
  
Asahi cursed, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked through and over the people, but no green haired came in sight. His heart began to thump rapidly again. The panic was back. "Don't tell me he changed his mind."  
  
He was just about to pull out his phone when the crowd lessened. In the corner of his left eye, he noticed a faint flash of green. Slowly, he lifted his head his eyes began to sparkle. "There he is...", he said with excitement in his voice. His heart just skipped a beat, the panic vanished.  
  
Asahi took a few steps further but stopped right away. The first thing he noticed was a guy who stood way too close to Ikuya. _Who the hell is he_? Jealousy flared up inside his chest. Oh, he was so not liking the view right now.  
  
"Boyfriend, huh? Why do I feel that your comment wasn't just a 'What if' question...", he hissed, anger visible in his voice. He side glanced at Kisumi, but he just shrugged his shoulders apologetically.  
  
Then Ikuya turned, and their eyes met. Asahi’s face flushed. The long hair, the cool outfit and not to mention this beautiful face. Everything about Ikuya knocked him off. He was so god damn beautiful. For a few seconds, he held his breath unable to move or to speak.  
  
Kisumi cleared his throat, pulling his friend right back into reality. “Do you want to greet them, I mean I don’t know if you plan to play a statue the whole day, staring at him...”, he said and pinched his side, making him flinch  
  
“Shut up.” He snarled at him, and Kisumi giggled. With the hands in his jeans, Asahi walked towards to Ikuya and the guy he didn’t know. Kisumi was only a few steps behind him.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, they finally stood face to face. Asahi swallowed, couldn't draw his eyes away from Ikuya who looked at the ground. Those four guys just stood there, draped in awkward silence. Kisumi had enough of this and was the first one who spoke.  
  
"Ikuya, it's been a while. It's good to see you again...", he said with a smile and stepped closer to him.  
  
"If you think about hugging me, don't." He was still facing the ground. Kisumi chuckled. "Well, you haven't changed."  
  
He drew his attention to the brown haired guy, next to Ikuya. "I'm Kisumi."  
  
"Hiyori...", he replied with a slight bow.  
  
"Nice to meet you. Maybe we should go for a coffee, what do you think?"  
  
"I think that's a good idea...", Hiyori nodded and glanced at Ikuya, making sure he will be okay. His roommate still watched the ground, but his little nod gave him the sign, that he would be alright.  
  
Asahi watched them leave for a moment. Both guys started a conversation right away. He was Not surprised. Almost everyone got along with Kisumi from the beginning. He swallowed lightly. It seemed that Hiyori was a nice guy. But the thought who he was to Ikuya, stabbed him again.  
  
Slowly, the redhead turned his attention back to the guy he hadn‘t seen in almost three years. Ikyua was still in the same spot with his head down, doing anything but to face him. „Is there something on the ground that tells you a story?“  
  
„Sure, it tells me Not to speak to overgrown monkeys...“, Ikuya replied, making him roll his eyes. Well, at least that hadn‘t changed. He still gave him his old nicknames.  
  
Asahi sighed. „Well, thanks.“ For a moment he just watched him and fought the urge, to pull him to his arms. „Why did you break off any contact with me...“, he asked in a whisper. „Can you please look at me?“  
  
He moved his head and glanced at him. Ikuya‘s heart skipped a beat. The beauty of Asahi just slapped him. He was definitely not prepared for this. „I was busy, I told you so.“  
  
„With him? Is he the reason why you never called me.“  
  
„He isn‘t...“, Ikuya denied, shaking his head. „I worked on my swimming skills.“ It was the half-truth. The other reason was the kiss between Asahi and Kisumi. He never got over it. And being here at the station, wasn‘t the exact perfect spot to talk about the fling he had with Hiyori.  
  
„You have changed...“, Asahi noticed and swallowed hard. He lifted his right hand to put a few strands behind Ikuya‘s ear, creating a shudder through the other guy‘s body. „Stop bullshitting me around, Ikuya.“  
  
The green haired chewed on his lower lip and glared at him, his left brow pulled-up. „Well, you haven‘t. You still have your pinky queen, kissing your ass.“  
  
„Don‘t go there...“, Asahi warned anger visible his eyes.  
  
„Why Not, huh?“  
  
„Because I don‘t screw with my best friend, you idiot!“  
  
Ikuya blushed and drew his head away, With narrowed eyes he looked ahead, watching their friends sitting at the cafe across from them. They obviously enjoyed their conversation.  
  
The redhead followed his eyes, frowning. For a moment he took a good look at Hiyori. He couldn‘t bite down the question anymore.  
  
„Who is he?“  
  
„A friend.“  
  
„What kind of friend?“  
  
Ikuya swallowed. He really didn‘t want to have this conversation right now.  
  
„A special one.“  
  
Asahi ground with his teeth, his jealousy was back. „How special are we talking about, huh?“  
  
He felt like someone put him in a cage where he had no chance to escape. They needed to talk, he agreed on that one. But Not in a public place, full of strangers. Why did Asahi have to push those buttons right now?  
  
Ikuya swallowed. He avoided to took at Asahi but felt his eyes daggering him. „He helped me through a hard time. We grew closer.“  
  
Well, it wasn‘t what he wanted to hear. It hurt, even he didn‘t get a full clarification. But he couldn‘t stop pushing Ikuya even further. „Did you screw with him?“  
  
„Stop it...“, Ikuya warned and glared at him, his eyes filled with pain. „Don‘t push me any further.“  
  
Asahi‘s lips trembled. His emotions ran wild through his body. He was aware that he overstepped here, but he couldn‘t shut his mouth. For the past years, he had suffered. Only the last few days, he knew about why he had never heard a single line of Ikuya. He couldn‘t take it anymore.  
  
His left hand grasped Ikuya‘s right one, swathing the fingers around his wrist. Asahi‘s eyes were locked into his. The green haired swallowed, a blush spread over his cheeks. They stood so close to each other, not even a piece of paper would have fit between them. Both hearts thumped against each other‘s chest.  
  
„I drove myself crazy for the past years, beating me up about the endless questions why you wanted no contact with me. I‘ve been through hell. I never knew the truth. Your brother was the first one who told me about your feelings. “  
  
His voice was calm but the anger was there. And Not only that. Ikuya could also hear how hurt he was. But did he really had the right to talk to him like that? Why was he so mad in the first place? At this moment, he cursed his brother for telling him the truth.  
  
„Let go of me...“, Ikyua asked quietly, but the grip tightened. He wanted to run, he wanted to go home. But Asahi had no intention of letting him go at all. The green haired winced.  
  
„Why are you so mad, huh? Why do you even care about what I did or with whom?“  
  
„Because I CARE you, idiot! Why did you never tell me, how you feel about me…“, he asked searching Ikuya‘s eyes. He was desperate and yeah, he knew that he did something right now, what would hurt him. Asahi pulled him closer again, their bodies touched. „Tell me the truth, why am I the last one to know about your crush on me.“

Right now, he wished the ground would open and swallow him up. It was too much for him. All the feels, the pain and how he had tortured himself about him came back. But Asahi kept bugging him, he had no opportunity to escape this question. Ikuya looked into those eyes what begged him for a straight answer. His own became watery.

„I never wanted to break off anything...“, he said, trembling. „Sue me, that I was afraid to come out in middle school. I caught you, kissing Kisumi after the graduation ceremony. Do you really think I would confess to you, after seeing that?“

He remembered the kiss and how it did happen. It was such a childish situation back then. He never thought that a kiss with his best friend would cost him the guy he loved. That was the point why Ikuya was so hurt. Asahi got it now, and he felt horrible about it.

„I felt the same way, I still do. And this kiss seems to be my greatest sin even it didn‘t mean anything...“, he said in a quiet voice, still having the green haired near him. „Did you move on after this?“ Another question he needed an answer to. But somehow, he already knew that it would be bitch slap. He could see it in Ikuya‘s eyes.

Ikuya‘s heart made more than one skip right now. Did he feel the same? _Don‘t go there now, you stupid monkey_. He tilted his head, trying to avoid to look into those hurtful eyes. Again, the ground seemed to be an allurement. „So, why didn‘t you confess...“, he replied, ditching the question about Hiyori, because he knew, he meant exactly him.   
  
„I was afraid too. And the help of my best friend got us there, where we are now.“ The redhead swallowed hard, couldn‘t believe that their angst and a little mistake made it so hard for them for the past years. „Don‘t my avoid my question. Did you… move on?“

There wasn‘t any point in lying anymore. Ikuya knew that. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked at Asahi again, his eyes filled with unhappiness. The sight of him clenched the redhead‘s heart, his lips started to tremble. _Don‘t look at me like that_.

„I tried to forget, yes. Doesn‘t mean I moved on...“, Ikuya said and this time with telling the truth. „So, if you never fell into the urge of being a teenager with any needs, then you have the right to judge me, Asahi.“   
  
Well, that slap hit just about right. And he couldn‘t even bitch about it. Ikuya was right. He did the same thing, trying to forget and screwed around. There was no point in blaming him. Asahi nodded and let go of his hand slowly. He took two steps back from him.

Ikuya rubbed over his wrist, swallowing. So, he also had fought the urge with going all through it. He didn‘t want to think about it. But he wouldn‘t curse at him. He wasn‘t any better. Where this was going now, he had no idea. All he felt was the pain and the need to see his brother. „Can we go now, please? I wanna go home.“

The redhead nodded. He felt miserable but all those words what Ikuya had said, were well deserved.

„Sure, let‘s get the other two.“ Ikuya took his bag off the ground and started to walk to their friends. For a moment, Asahi just watched him, looking like a kicked puppy. He shook his head, eyes glued on the green haired. He couldn‘t leave out the next comment.

„You know I‘m a fighter, Ikuya. I‘ll make it right this time. Don‘t think I wouldn‘t fight for you.“

Ikuya didn‘t turn around and kept walking. A faint smile played on his lips. After all those hurt feelings, those words did him good and he smiled lightly.   


~TBC~

 


	3. Chapter 3

Their first meeting in almost three years without seeing each other. It couldn‘t have been more painful for both guys. Asahi hadn‘t expected that Ikuya would drag an appendage with him. Hitting him the hard way, the guy also seemed to be much closer to him than he ever was. It tormented him, literally. And his jealousy took a new level what he felt in his chest. The guy might be likable to others but to him, he was a rival. He needed to put it aside for now and tried to act cool. Sure, the last years he hadn‘t been a saint but right now, he only saw through his thick blinders that Ikuya had been with someone else and it raged him up.  
  
The ride from the station to Natsuya, couldn‘t have been more awkward. Kisumi‘s idea had been that Asahi and Ikuya would share the backseats with each other, but Hiyori was faster to claim his place alongside his roommate. Asahi couldn‘t have been more pissed, and a gloomy expression was exactly, what underlined his mood.  
  
„Is everything okay with you…“, Kisumi whispered as he leaned over to him after he put on the seatbelt.  
  
„Peachy. Don‘t worry.“ Asahi turned his head to the window, frowning. His hand stroked through the locks, resting it on the back of his neck. Inwardly, he cursed like a bitch. _Damn it. This little brat._  
  
Kisumi started the car and left out a comment. He knew Asahi wasn‘t okay. His worry came true, sadly. Asahi‘s idea was too spontaneously and he basically, ran Ikuya over with it. To put it on top, he didn‘t come alone and he bet his ass on it, that his best friend was brooding about, what Hiyori was to Ikuya. I hope the boyfriend topic was just me babbling nonsense. Although he had a peaceful chat with Hiyori, it never came up how close he was to Ikuya. Kisumi had no intention to butt into this topic with a stranger. But he could sense that their first meeting must have been painful for both. And right now, none of them was utterly happy.  
  
„Let‘s hit the party. Some fun, letting off some steam. Sounds good, doesn‘t it?“ He got no reply from the others. I figured. Kisumi sighed and turned the music on before he guided the car back on the road.  
  
The mood was stifling. Nobody spoke. It was like they stopped breathing or something. Ikuya dispelled the time by looking aimlessly out of the window, leaning his temple against the glass. The hair was back like it was before, in a sloppy bun on the back of his neck. He couldn‘t get a straight thought together and all he could think of it, was what Asahi had said to him, and his heartbeat increased once more.  
  
_I went through hell because of you. I felt the same for you, I still do. Don‘t think I wouldn‘t fight for you, Ikuya._  
  
Asahi had spoken out what Ikuya always wanted to hear. But in their past, so many wild waves came down. The kiss with Kisumi, his history with Hiyori and he was aware of the fact that Asahi hadn‘t been a sweet nun during the last years. But for that, he couldn‘t even blame him. The guy was good looking and grew up way too sexy in his eyes. Now, you are a sinful idiot. Damn you.  
  
He caught a glimpse when he sideglanced at him. Even his profile was perfect and made Ikuya swallowing lightly. Their eyes looked for a few seconds. Asahi had lowered the sun visor and watched him through the mirror. Immediately, Ikuya dragged his eyes away and back to the window again. But he couldn‘t stop his face reacting at his eyes on him and a blush crept up his cheeks.  
  
You didn‘t have to be a genius to notice the silent eye contact what happened between them. Hiyori noticed it right away. His heart ached, but he knew that he would face the obvious if he joined Ikuya to this party. Kowing each other for a while now, he was also aware of the fact that Ikuya wasn‘t the most talkative one. And still, his behavior worried him a bit.  
  
Being aware of Asahi, who still had his eyes on Ikuya through the mirror, he snuck closer to his roommate and gently laid a hand on Ikuya‘s, which rested on his thigh. Hiyori squeezed it softly, could almost see the redhead ticking off but didn‘t give a damn about it.  
  
„Ikuya, did you tell your brother that we‘re on our way?“  
  
„Why should I? I just talked to him.“ Ikuya answered without facing him.  
„Are you okay?“  
  
„Sure. I‘m just tired…“, he lied a little annoyed.  
  
A faint smile escaped his lips. Hiyori was used to his cranky mood, but he also knew a side of him, that others had never even seen. The rejection was an ordeal to him, but he had to deal with it anyway, knowing there was no chance for him in the long run. It would have been a surprise when he had accepted it right away. Well, he did but his heart was still refusing the truth. Hiyori loved Ikuya way too much to deal with the hard truth within a day. Instead of backing down, he kept his roommate‘s hand in his, caressed it softly with his thumb. It seemed he didn‘t mind his closeness at this moment. So why should he move away from him?  
  
Peeking through the mirror didn‘t do him any good. The hold handing gesture didn‘t go unnoticed by him. Asahi let out a sound with a clack of his tongue and forced his narrowed eyes to watch the people on the streets. He hated this so much, he barely kept himself sane from freaking out. This was more torture than he could stomach. Asahi balled his hand into a fist, and let it constantly tap on his pursed lips, his brows curved down angrily.  
  
_This brat. Nice guy, my ass. How dare you touching him right in front of me._  
  
The twinge of jealousy what Asahi diffused with his vibe hit Kisumi right away. With a worried look, he glanced at him, seeing his best friend almost exploding right on the passenger seat. He took off his hand from the steering wheel and squeezed the redhead’s forearm supportingly.  
  
„If you murder him, Ikuya will never forgive you. Chill okay? It will be fine in the end.“  
  
He had said it in a low voice and leaned in to put through his words. Asahi just nodded faintly, continued to stare out of the window and his anger, didn‘t fly away as Kisumi hoped it would. The fact at hand, they all didn‘t know if a happy end would wait for them. But it was still better than saying, ‚Give up and move on‘. Even though Kisumi would say it like that, Asahi would never back down from Ikuya as long he still saw a chance to be with him. And as his best friend, he knew that god damn well.  
  
Ikuya, who sat in the backseat watched the scene between the so-called best friends quietly. Something was off with Asahi, he could see that but didn‘t realize what it was. He kept glancing at him, hoping their eyes would meet again. It didn‘t happen. Asahi stared constantly out of the window and his face was lit up in pure anger. Ikuya sighed, watching him in silence and unwittingly squeezed Hiyori‘s hand without thinking, that their close contact was the point of Asahi‘s sour mood in the first place.  
  
The four arrived at the place from the lovebirds shortly afterward. As soon as Kisumi had parked the car, Asahi was the first who got out. He stepped behind the car and opened the trunk to get out his stuff. When he turned, he faced Ikuya who stood next to him, getting his stuff as well. The redhead frowned, looking straight at him with an expression that could have killed someone.  
  
„You sure are cozy with each other.“  
  
Ikuya‘s brow curved up and looked at him a little irritated.  
  
„What are you talking about? I told you, he‘s just a friend.“  
  
Asahi couldn‘t help himself and snorted at the comment. His jealousy got out the best of him.  
  
„Sure, a friend who can‘t keep his hands away from you. Are you kidding me?“  
  
„You’re being ridiculous…“, Ikuya replied and shook his head, putting the bag over his shoulder.  
  
The redhead‘s expression turned even more gloomy as before. He took a few steps closer to the other guy and searched his eyes, making Ikuya holding his breath for a moment.  
  
„Am I? Well, I haven‘t brought a special friend who holds my hand so closely.“  
  
Ikuya‘s face flushed. He swallowed but didn‘t turn his gaze away.  
  
„You‘re an idiot for being jealous over that.“  
  
„I have every right to be. Kisumi is special to me too. Do you see us cuddling in a way boyfriends do, huh?“  
  
They didn‘t. And Ikuya knew that. He tilted his head away and took a step back from Asahi. He felt uncomfortable in this situation and right now, they shouldn‘t have a conversation like this and the reason why he didn‘t reply.  
  
Asahi shook his head, anger and hurt visible on his face.  
  
„I figured…“, he whispered and started to pass Ikuya. In his steps, he leaned into his ear and added, „don‘t think I back down. I told you, I fight for you, boyfriend or not. You know why? Because I love you.“  
  
And before he could say anything, the redhead was already on his way to the front door. Ikuya watched him with a longing in his eyes and swallowed, his heartbeat on a new level of thumping hard.  
  
_You are jealous over nothing, Monkey. I can’t think about anyone but you for exactly the same reason._  
  
He let out a sigh and moved towards the house. Ikuya was just a few steps before the front door, when it flew open and Natsuya showed up, smiling like a ray of sunshine.  
  
„Finally, you‘re here. You guys are late.“  
  
Natsuya had a reddened face, and his eyes were a bit glassy. His little brother looked at him with a frown, being suspicious.  
  
„Have you been drinking?“  
  
„Just one… okay maybe two beers…“, Natsuya winked and pulled his brother into a tight hug. „Welcome home.“ He wasn‘t bothered by their friends who stood around them. Natsuya hadn‘t seen Ikuya for a long time, and it had felt like an eternity.  
  
However, the younger one was embarrassed though. „Thanks…“, he mumbled into his brother‘s shoulder, returning the hug while he went from pale to a bright red tomato face.  
  
Natsuya smiled and let go of him slowly. „Let me take a look at you. You have grown so much.“ With a scrutinizing look, he noticed that Ikuya‘s height wasn‘t the only thing that had grown. „What did you do with your hair?“  
  
„Let it grown out, obviously.“  
  
„Yeah, I can see that…“, he said, hiking up a brow. Natsuya found the look of his brother not really being his style. His gaze wandered to Asahi, who looked like he sucked on a lemon.  
  
Well, I guess it didn‘t end up well, huh?  
  
But instead of saying something, he greeted the others and showed them the direction of the living room, where their friends were already waiting for them. Natsuya put a hand on Ikuya‘s shoulder and slowed him in his steps. He was curious after all.  
  
„How did it go with Asahi?“ He wanted to know. After all, Natsuya cared about his brother‘s happiness, he cared for Asahi as well.  
  
Ikuya let out a sigh and slanted his head, looking at the floor as they walked to join the others.  
  
„What do you think, huh?“ Natsuya flinched and looked at him apologetically, but Ikuya shook his head. He knew he meant it well after all.  
  
„He caught me off guard and I guess, bringing Hiyori along triggers his worst side.“  
  
„Jealous much, huh…“, his brother pinpointed and Ikuya nodded again.  
  
Natsuya sighed and stroked a hand through his locks, glancing at him. „I‘m sorry. I thought it was a good thing if he would be one who‘s picking you up.“  
  
„Don‘t be, Aniki. I did wanna see him, but somehow it‘s still painful. But now, this idiot is quiet into talking things out.“  
  
Natsuya had to chuckle and squeezed his brother’s shoulder softly. “He told you about his feelings, didn’t he? Well, maybe not the best timing but finally, he showed some balls.”  
  
Yeah, Asahi’s timing was off but there was a good outcome out of this. Their feelings were mutual. Just, Ikuya had no idea how to deal with this knowledge right now. He wasn’t shy, well, not all the time. But with too many people around them, he really wasn’t into putting their problem on the table for a group discussion.  
  
_The kiss didn’t mean anything._  
  
Yeah, he got that now but what about the past they both had after that. Ikuya already went through too many scenarios, what could screw up his life again. His forehead began to sweat, and his heart pounded in his chest like mad.  
  
“Hey, could you not drive yourself insane. I see that you ride through your own movie of hell. Don’t okay? It will be fine…”, Natsuya warned him and Ikuya flinched. He swallowed with a nod.  
  
They couldn’t continue the conversation about his love life. A few seconds later, they entered the living where the others made themselves at home, even those who had joined them last.  
  
“The celebrities always turn up to be the last one at the party…” a soft voice said from the background. With a sweet smile, Nao stepped closer and hugged Ikuya. “It’s good to have you home.”  
  
Ikuya was a bit overwhelmed with the affection he got from his brother and his lover. The flush on his face didn’t diminish even he was very happy to be with his family again.  
  
“You two are putting me into a tricky situation. Please, stop it…”, he mumbled embarrassed, stifling a smile. For a moment he glanced at Asahi, who sat next to Kisumi and Hiyori, looking at him. His face was still pissed but his best friend tickled out his attention the moment Kisumi wanted to grab after a beer.  
  
“Oi, damn you. You’re not allowed to drink, Kisumi…”, he scolded and took the bottle out of his hand, holding it away from his best friend.  
  
“Don’t be mean. We have our awesome Senpai’s watching over us. Let me have it…”, Kisumi demanded and tried to get back the beer but Asahi just shook his head, having his hand pushed against his best friend’s forehead to hold him back from doing something he would definitely regret.  
  
Natsuya chuckled and put an arm around Nao. “I guess we have to babysit more than we thought.”  
  
His boyfriend just gave him a look. “Look who’s talking. I have to watch you as well. You can’t handle alcohol at all.”  
  
Natsuya winked and gave him a small kiss on the lips. “I’m gladly giving myself into your capable hands.”  
  
“Oh, shut up…”, Nao mumbled into the kiss, blushing cutely.  He pushed himself away from his Natsuya and looked at Ikuya, who watched them with a grin. They were just made for each other and he was glad, that they made each other happy. “Come, Ikuya, let’s join our friends.”  
  
The green haired nodded and took off his jacket after he put down his bag and placed it into a corner of the room. His eyes met Asahi’s when he turned around. With a flush on his cheeks, he noticed that he was staring at him and actually saw him swallow. Somehow it seemed that his look irritated the redhead.  
  
Ikuya dragged his eyes away and greeted Makoto who stood up first to welcome him, followed by a dark haired guy he didn’t know.  
  
“It’s been a long while, Ikuya. It’s so good to see you again..”, his former team member said with a sincere smile on his face. He couldn’t help but return the smile. “Yeah, you have grown even more.” It was all he came up with right now and didn’t even get the chance to say something else. The dark haired guy was already behind Makoto, leaning his chin on the shoulder and looked at Ikuya so curious, he even took a step back.  
  
“You’re the IM Swimmer, right? I’ve rarely seen anyone swimming so perfect and graceful. I’m Sosuke…”, he said with a knowing look and held out his hand.  
  
Ikuya swallowed because the expression of the guy was very serious. Makoto chuckled and shook his head. “He usually looks like this…”, he whispered to take away his uneasiness. “Good to know…”, Ikuya said and shook hands with Sosuke. “Thank you.”  
  
“And I thought I was perfect enough to knock over everyone…”, it came from the right side. Another former team member, who stepped already closer to him. “Haru.” It was a faint smile but friendly as always when he saw him. “You haven’t changed…”, Ikuya noticed.  
  
“But you have. Your hair is too long. You need a cut…”, Haru said toneless but with a small smile. “Welcome back.”  
  
Ikuya nodded and greeted the guy standing next to Haru. “I’m Rin. Just let him talk.” Haru just wanted to add something to it before his lips were sealed by Rin’s. “You have enough time to talk, later…”, he whispered on his lips and pulled Haru back to their place where they sat before.  
  
Ikuya was stunned while he watched the group of his old friends. Every one of them had moved on. He never knew about their lives or that they were in a relationship. No surprise here. He had blocked out his past including his old teammates, had never been in contact with any of them. A little lost, he wanted to take his place next to Hiyori who was the only one he really knew, apart from his family. But this time, Asahi was the one who reacted faster.  
  
“Why don’t you sit here…”, he asked and patted at an empty space next to him and between Hiyori. Ikuya looked at him and swallowed lightly when he saw the pleading in Asahi’s eyes. How could he say no, when he looked at him like a puppy dog? A strand slid out of his bun, and he put it behind his ear before he sat down next to Asahi cross-legged. Their upper arms touched and Ikuya blushed again. It was a contact for maybe 2 seconds but enough to make Ikuya’s head spin and increasing his heartbeat.  
  
After they were well supplied with drinks a conversation began among themselves. Ikuya was quiet at first. He still struggled with the closeness of Asahi, who constantly brushed his arm on his, literally looking for body contact with him.  
  
_What is this, a new form of torture? Stupid Monkey._  
  
He was so busy to keep himself calm, he didn’t notice that Haru started to talk to him.  
  
“Ikuya? Are you with us…”, he asked and looked at him a little worried because Ikuya seemed to be absent-minded.  
  
“Sorry. Yeah, I am.” He had drifted away in his thoughts, and the culprit was Asahi, who still sought for his closeness. “What did you ask?”  
  
Haru frowned a little confused but repeated his question, he just had asked him. “Your brother said you only swim in individual medleys. I’m curious though. Why?”  
  
Ikuya wasn’t surprised at the direct question, Haru has been always like this but he wasn’t sure how to answer it. “I’m not at my best in team events. It just happened, that I’m stronger when I swim alone.”  
  
“And he’s amazing what everyone can see. His skills have improved so much. I always help him focus on his strokes during our training…”, the voice next to him added. It was Hiyori, who showed a proud smile before he sipped his coke.  
  
It was foreseen that especially Asahi, couldn’t bite down his tongue. He snorted, almost quietly but Ikuya noticed it and gave him a glare. The redhead ignored it.  
  
“I’m sure it’s not the only thing you kept him focusing on…”, he annotated with a cold tone. For him, it was obvious that he was the reason why Ikuya never contacted him. The kiss he had with Kisumi couldn’t have been the only reason all those years.  
  
Hiyori glanced at the redhead, with an angelic smile like he couldn’t even hurt a fly. “I made sure he focused on other things as well.” He leaned forward and over Ikuya’s lap, closer to Asahi and smirked. “Private things where you need two people to make it memorable…”, he added in a whisper and got exactly what he wanted. He ticked off Asahi.  
  
“You little….”, he cursed lowly but got a hard nudge from Kisumi’s elbow into his rips to shut him off. He pressed his lips together into a thin line and clenched his hand to a fist. In any other location, he would have punched him for sure.  
  
The whole conversation caused a blush on Ikuya’s face. Not because he felt embarrassed but anger in his chest. He couldn’t believe those two. In the corner of the eye, he saw the fist, and how it trembled. Ikuya was so close putting his hand over his to soothe him, but Kisumi was the first who took Asahi’s attention and scolded him.  
  
“Oi, Asahi. Cut it out.”  
  
Ikuya moved closer to Hiyori and put some space between him and the redhead. His eyes searched his friend’s ones, questioning his behavior.  
  
“What are you doing, huh? Picking up a fight with him?”  
  
Hiyori looked at Ikuya, his expression softened. He swallowed. Okay, he shouldn’t have said that. But somehow, he had the urge to tease Asahi and envy was definitely a huge part of why he said it.  
  
“Sorry….”, he whispered and a sigh followed. “Maybe, I’m just not ready to let go after all.” And that was no lie, they both knew it.  
  
He knew that this would be hard on him. Ikuya always thought it would be selfish to drag his friend along, right to the person he loved and longed for. After all, they had a history together.  
  
“Hiyori, I’m…”,  but he got cut off short by a shook of his friend’s head.  
“There’s no need to be sorry, really.”  
  
He got it. When he looked at Asahi, he could clearly see, why Ikuya fell for him. He was handsome, hotheaded with a great heart and one thing he couldn’t deny was, that Asahi was head over heels in love with Ikuya, and his jealousy just made it more obvious.  
  
Hiyori chuckled but it had a little sad tone in it. “He’s just so easy to be teased.”

“This is no teasing if you throw something like this on his head…”, Ikuya said with a swallow. He really wasn’t up for a fight here and now, just because two people thought it would be funny to butt their heads over him.  
  
The brown haired sighed an glanced at Asahi, who still threw daggers at him with his eyes, Kisumi was still busy with reassuring him. “I hope you two find each other. Otherwise, I’ll barge right in and try to win your heart over.” Hiyori glanced at Ikuya who looked at him with a painful expression. He sighed, smiling a bit sadly. “Hey, it was a good phrase. I know… I really do.”  
  
Ikuya searched his eyes, slowly shaking his head. “You know this too damn well. I could never let go of him.” And as sweet as it sounded. Hiyori was not the person with whom he saw a relationship happening. He couldn’t stir up the love this guy deserved.  
  
The brown haired nodded in silence. Yeah, he knew and was aware of the fact, that he had to let go of Ikuya, no matter how hard it was for him. “I know….”, he whispered and swallowed hard. For a moment they just looked at each other, and Hiyori was fighting so hard, not to touch his face, being close to him. Natsuya saved him from doing something he would get more than one punch for it.  
  
“Okay, dinner is ready….”, he announced and grinned at his friends, not noticing that he just missed a slight wink of a drama. He looked at his brother. “We could use some help in the kitchen.”  
  
Ikuya nodded and couldn’t get up fast enough to move into the kitchen. The situation was too heated, too hurtful and he actually welcomed his brother’s request. But Hiyori also stood up, wanting to help and of course, he followed him. What the green haired didn’t see was that Asahi was almost on his feet too, ready to go after them. He watched the whole scene, how they treated with each other. And it drove him to a whole new level of madness.  
  
Kisumi was the one who pulled him back and he crashed on his butt. He glared at his best friend. “What the fuck are you doing?”  
  
“Stopping you from doing something you will definitely regret.”  
  
“Let go of me, Kisumi, right now…”, Asahi warned, eyes flashed with anger and desperation.  
  
“And then what, huh? Giving the kitchen a new decoration? Asahi, you went out of line and so did he. But really, do you want to put more boundaries between you and Ikuya? It won’t do you any good if you pick up a fight with his friend.”  
The redhead swallowed hard and looked at Kisumi. “He isn’t just a friend. He’s too special.”  
  
“And so am I to you…”, Kisumi replied, still having his hand tightly around the wrist, holding him down.  
  
But Asahi shook his head. “This is different. They had a thing, a connection. And I swear if he’s the reason for….”, he silenced and swallowed, shaking his head. “He’s mine to love, he always will be. So stop, holding me back from getting the guy I want most.”  
  
Asahi had a goal, and he was determined to get it. He knew all about it, how he fell in love with Ikuya and how painful it was to him when he split up the friendship, without a single word. Asahi wen through hell and back cried a river, not having the chance to talk Ikuya. He never cut lose his feeling and now, he was like a hunter getting his beloved prey, he desperately wanted.  
  
“Just swear to me, that you won’t do anything stupid, okay? No human sand sack is needed for your gloomy mood, and for sure not him.”  
  
Oh, he was tempted to beat the shit out of Hiyori, but he wouldn’t do it. Asahi nodded and looked at Kisumi. “Don’t worry, okay? I know what I lose when I go berserk.” Ikuya would never forgive him if he would cut a single hair on his ‘special friend’.  
  
Kisumi had a bad gut feeling, but he let go of Asahi anyway. “I’m here okay? Always will be.”  
  
“I know…”, Asahi whispered and caught Makoto having a really cute kissing moment with Sosuke. He was just glad that Kisumi was too focused on him, that he didn’t see it. “I’ll be right back.” But it was a promise he couldn’t keep.  
  
He speeded through the living room, passing Nao and Natsuya who brought the first food service to the others. It didn’t take him long until he found the kitchen. The door was wide open, and just before he wanted to step in, a scene what crushed him, stopped him to go any further as he wanted, just a moment ago.  
  
Hiyoris’s hand was in Ikuya’s open hair. The scrunchy laid on the floor. Both had their eyes closed while their foreheads leaned on each other. Asahi couldn’t believe his eyes. They had a moment, a close one and Asahi felt everything was hitting down on him.  
  
He couldn’t even hold his emotions, and his eyes became teary, watching those two being so close, so intimate with each other. He swallowed hard and took a step, then another one back. “I guess he’s special after all…”, he tried to sound clear, but his voice broke down.  
  
Ikuya reacted dismayed, hearing his voice and jerked away from Hiyori. His face went pale when he saw Asahi, standing between the doorframe, looking like a truck hit him.  
  
_DAMN it, no, don’t jump to any conclusion, Idiot._  
  
But it was already too late. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your honeymoon.” Asahi turned around and walked away. For a few seconds, Ikuya just stood there, having a living nightmare, all over again. “Asahi…”, he whispered and reached for him but he only grabbed the thin air.  
  
He turned to Hiyori, pure horror plastered on his face and he made his friend feeling guilty, for putting him into such a non-meaningful situation. “Go, just go…”, was all he could come up with.  
  
Ikuya didn’t hesitate. He sprinted out of the kitchen, back into the living room. But Asahi was nowhere to be found. He scanned the room, looking for his red locks, but the result was zero. The green haired started to panic, running a hand through his hair and glanced at Kisumi, who was at loss.  
  
“Where is he? Where is Asahi?”  
  
But the pinky head only shook his head, worriedly. Then he heard it, the front door shutting down behind them. Ikuya turned, fear visible in his eyes and before anyone could stop him, he speeded after Asahi outside and right into the night. He couldn’t see him but it didn’t stop him from shouting out his name, loud and clear. **“ASAHIIIIIIII**!”  
  
And he ran like the devil was behind him. All those misunderstandings gave them a special torture and Ikyua was done with. He needed to find him, right away. It hit him like a hammer. He didn’t care about the kiss anymore, he didn’t want to think about what he had with Hiyori. All he could think of was Asahi, who saw something without any meaning and took a run away from him. And Ikuya followed him, running like hell to stop the guy he loved the most, from getting away from him once more.  
  
~TBC~


	4. Chapter 4

Asahi strolled down the street. He wasn't even quick with his steps and yet, he moved away more and more from the house of his friends. Lost in his thoughts, he didn't even notice that a desperate voice was constantly shouting his name. He was too busy with the chaos in his head. His heart pained in the chest heavily, and his eyes slowly became teary.  
  
_He‘s just a special friend._

„I don‘t believe you. He‘s more to you. I‘m not that much of an idiot. I can read the signs…“, he whispered with a breathy voice to himself. Slowly, his tears meandered over the cheeks and dripped off his chin. Asahi felt slapped by the truth. He had to face it that Ikuya didn't want him anymore. Why else would those two share a lovey-dovey moment like that?

_You probably love him. And I was just too hopeful for the past three years. Stupid ego._

Asahi felt like someone had torn his heart out. He sniffled and somehow his legs gave up. The streetlamp behind him welcomed the redhead and leaned against it with slumped shoulders, letting out a deep breath. Slowly, his head went up to look at the starry night. The view was blurry through his tears.

Three days ago, when he finally found out from Natsuya that Ikuya had feelings for him, he had made leaps in the air. He was happy and had only one goal, to get the guy he loved finally into his arms, fighting each and everyone who would stand in his way.

Now he was at a turning point where he didn’t know if he could have a chance at all. Hiyori and Ikuya had a thing, a tight bond and they had been very close to each other. It was something he might never have, and he hated it so much, it made his hands tremble in his jeans.

_Maybe I should give up on him._

The thought alone hurt him so much he couldn't stop the tears from running over his face. Asahi stared into the starry sky what seemed to be so bright and beautiful above him. But the scene he watched just a moment ago went through his head like a bad movie. Maybe he should move on. He should give up on him. But his stupid heart wasn't ready to let go probably never would be.

The redhead swallowed hard when he felt his heart breaking. He slowly blinked away the falling tears, trapped in his painful thoughts that he still didn't realize that the guy who made his heart so heavy, was frantically searching for him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ikuya ran off his feet. There was a time difference from maybe five minutes before he followed Asahi. But the redhead seemed to have disappeared from the ground.

He looked to the right side of the street, to the left and straight ahead. But with no luck at all. His throat hurt from breathing quickly, and panic rose in his chest. He needed to find him now.

_Where are you? This isn‘t right. I‘m the one who runs away, and you chase after me. You never gave up on me. Don‘t start with it now!_

Ikuya was pretty aware of how the scene in the kitchen must have affected the redhead. But it wasn‘t like this, not even close. Hiyori was obsessed with his hair and couldn‘t keep his fingers to himself, always pulling the scrunchy out of his strands. It was a bad habit of him.

They had a moment. True. But in the end, Hiyori had only told Ikuya that he wished for his happiness. And that he finally can be with the guy he loved. Of course, the scene seemed to be a bit more romantic or dramatic. But it was meaningless. Hiyori stepped back, gave up on the chance to win Ikuya over. That was all. Nothing more. 

Asahi had entered the kitchen and put his own stupid pieces together. The monkey had misunderstood everything. And instead of talking about it, he just fled and left him stranded behind. Now Ikuya was the one, who chased after him. Angst spread through his body that maybe this non-meaningful moment would be the trigger to let it end here, that it would be too late to fix it everything.

Over and over again, he screamed his name, drew angry glances at him and people shook their heads. He didn‘t give a shit. He just wanted to find Asahi. And he would use any card he could pull out of his sleeve, even if he had to scream down the entire city. Ikuya‘s feet almost gave out and yet, he ran like the devil was after him. Minutes passed, and his hunt after the redhead seemed to be unpromisingly.

_No, no, no. Don’t you dare and disappear on me, Monkey._

His feet wanted no longer to carry him, and his lungs whistled, gasping for air. Ikuya needed a break to breathe evenly again. Frustrating swelled up inside of him, and he struggled with tears. He tilted forwards and rested his hands on the thighs, trying to catch his breath. Slowly, he shook his head, tears started to fall off his face. How long had he been running? Ikuya had lost the track of time but wasn't ready to give up. Not yet, not ever.

Slowly, he returned to a straight posture when his breathing had adjusted. Just as he was ready to haul ass again to search for Asahi, a red shimmer appeared in the corner of his eye. Ikuya turned slightly to the left. Relief washed over him as he saw the redhead leaning against the street lamp.

Ikuya blinked slowly and let out a breath before he started to approach Asahi. A sharp pain slashed inside his chest the moment he noticed, that the redhead was in tears. And it was his fault.

_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you._

But he didn't speak it out loud. Ikuya stepped closer, and started to reach out to Asahi but stopped as he slowly turned his head to face him.  Red eyes looked at him, and Ikuya felt like his heart broke once more.  Slowly, he opened his mouth to say something, but Asahi cut him short.

“Shouldn’t you be with your boyfriend?”

“He isn’t my boyfriend, Asahi...”, Ikuya whispered and stepped closer to him, once more he wanted to reach his arm, but the redhead stepped back, facing him with teary eyes and yet, his features were cold as ice.

"Stop bullshitting me around, Ikuya. I have good eyes, you know? You can fool anyone else but not me. And I'm done with being the bad guy here...", he said with anger in his voice. Still, Ikuya could hear how hurt he was.

The green haired swallowed. Yeah, he got why Asahi reacted like this. Right now, the kiss in middle school what he had shared with Kisumi seemed ridiculous. Asahi was hurt, and he didn't hide it. Ikuya dared to take a step closer to him. This time, he didn't move.

"Listen to me. I know, how this might look to you. But it isn't like that. There's nothing between us. Believe me, Asahi...", he said with a shaky voice, and took Asahi's hand in his, squeezing it. The fear, that he could lose him came in like a brutal wave again. A light blush spread over his cheeks when he looked up into those beautiful eyes, who still couldn't believe his words.

"Then what was it what I saw huh?" His tears dried up slowly. Asahi was still awfully hurt, but at this moment, he was just angry. He searched Ikuya's eyes and frowned bitterly. But he didn’t let go of his hand. "If you say, there's nothing between you, why is he ticking me off like this, touching you at every second he gets the chance?"

He shook his head in disbelief and looked away from him, huffing. "You made me an idiot for three years just because of a stupid little kiss, and you screwed around with some guy for the time being. Now, tell me, how is this fair to me?" For a moment he gripped the green haired’s hand a bit tighter.

Ikuya trembled by his words. He swallowed tears and glanced at his side profile, noticing the furious wrinkles around the eyes. “Asahi, don’t be like that. You are going to be mean.”

"I don't care right now, alright? You threw me through hell and back. And now, I have to watch your lovey-dovey thing, what the fuck, do you know how I feel about this...", he said with a rising voice and glared at Ikuya, his eyes went teary, and he pulled his hand back.

Asahi was going through a roller coaster of feelings. On the one hand, he just wanted to hug Ikuya closer, kissing him and forget about everything. On the other side, he felt incredibly hurt and played with. Asahi was angry, and again he stepped away from Ikuya to gain some distance between them.

Ikuya felt like someone had just slapped his face. His eyes widened, tears slowly became visible, and yet, anger rose in him as well. He swallowed as he ran his hand through his long hair.

"I know how you feel ..." he said bitterly as he looked at him in tears. "That's exactly how I felt the last few years. I thought, that you are in love with Kisumi. You know what this kiss did to me? I fell apart."

His voice rose, and he took another step toward Asahi, grabbed him by the arm and drew him back, so he could look him in the eyes. " ** **Yes, we had something.  Yes, he kissed me, touched me, but he never had me. I've always wanted you. It was a distraction****...", he shouted at him, his tears shimmered on the cheeks as they rolled down, dripping off his chin.

The redhead pressed his lips together, seeing the outbreak of Ikuya. It wasn't helpful that he also got to see the tears on his beautiful face. Of course, he was angry, but he never wanted to hurt him. They both had the ability to sting in the wounded past, even though they just wanted to be together at last.

Asahi raised his hand. "Ikuya, I ...", but he got cut off by Ikuya who shoved his hand away. " ** **You shut up. I'm not done yet****..." he shouted in tears. If they really needed to roll up everything, then he would talk about everything from the start.

"You are my first in everything. The first one who wanted to be my friend, who reached out to me. You never let me down, not once. I never saw just a friendship in our bond, I fell in love with you right from the beginning. But I was scared to tell you this. And then the kiss happened and it crushed me. Maybe it was a misunderstanding, maybe childish too. But for me was it the end of the world."

For a moment, Asahi could only stare at him, blinking slowly with his long eyelashes. This was a confession he had not expected so quickly, not after everything that had happened. Ikuya stood in front of him, talking everything off his chest and his face was wet with tears. The redhead became soft.

Once again, he raised his hand, approached him and placed it on his cheek. Ikuya turned away, trying not to face him. His face was reddened not only through the tears but also because he was a bit embarrassed by the outbreak of the truth. Asahi brushed away the tears that still ran down his cheeks lovingly.

"If I had known how you feel, I would have never let you go, never ..." he said softly, fighting himself not to burst into tears again. Ikuya didn't look at him at that moment and stared into nothing. "No one tells in an enthusiasm that he's in love with a guy, idiot, you're not an exception."

Asahi agreed with him. He wasn't ready to openly put his feelings on the table back then. The only one who knew about this were Kisumi and then the kiss happened. His friend wanted to help him but in the end, the opposite became the hurtful reality for the last years.

"I'm sorry, Ikuya, Kisumi was and still is my best friend. You're the one I love."

"Me too ...", Ikuya confessed softly, turning slowly into his direction to look him in the eyes. "You'll still be my downfall, but I don't want it any other way. I love you."

Asahi smiled gently and leaned closer. Ikuya's eyes widened, and he put a finger on the redhead's lips, who was about to kiss him in public.

"We're in the middle of the main street, and people are looking at us weirdly. Did you lose your mind, Monkey?"

Asahi just shook his head and grinned against his fingertip. "I don't care, I've waited too long for this moment. I don't give a fuck about what others think ...", and with those words he entangled Ikuya's waist with his arm, pulling him against his own body. His right hand was caught up in his hairline. Slowly, he closed his eyes and took possession of Ikuya's lips to finally get the kiss he wanted for a damn long time.

The green haired had no chance to escape the upcoming kiss. And to be honest, he didn't want to. With a crimson head, unable to breathe, and for the first time, he felt the sensual lips of Asahi on his own. Ikuya became weak in the knees, and his heart beat up to his neck.

He put his arms around Asahi's neck and returned the kiss with closed eyes. It was an incredible feeling to be so close to him, being finally able to touch him. Right now, they both forgot that they were standing in the middle of the street, with too many people around them. They didn't give a damn.

Asahi's heart skipped a beat. He tasted so sweet, and he wanted more. Tenderly, he pulled his tongue over Ikuya's closed lips, begging to let him in. The green haired opened it hesitantly, and a moment later their tongues met, playing in unison lovingly with one another. Ikuya blushed, his heart almost jumped out of his chest. It felt so good, so right. If he had a saying in the time matter he would have wished, that this moment would last forever. Almost three years later, they were finally able to be in each other's arms. He got it now, hearing both hearts beating in unison against their chests. This was happiness, this was the feeling to kiss the guy you love. And it was amazing.

Apparently, air is needed for the lungs and reluctantly, they loosened the kiss slowly. Both tried to catch their breaths, having a smile on their lips. Their eyes were still closed, leaning the foreheads against each other.

Asahi was the first who found his voice again. "I could get used to it ...", he said with a smile and tried to get his breathing back under control.

"Shut up, idiot." But Ikuya had a gentle smile on his face as well, which was underlined by a very healthy complexion. For a moment he searched his eyes and swallowed slightly. "Listen, the thing with Hiyori ....", he slowly began to resume the conversation. The topic wasn't off the table.

The redhead frowned but nodded that he should continue. Although he didn't know if he wanted to hear this. It was important for both to start over, and leave behind certain especially hurtful things.

Ikuya took a deep breath and wetted his lips. "It was his way of saying that he wants me to be happy with the guy I love. The whole scene didn't mean anything."

"Okay, that's good to know. I would prefer that he wouldn't touch you. He can tell you things like that, without getting to close to you, you know?" The whole thing still didn't sit right with him, but it was a relief to know, that nothing had happened between them. No matter how it looked.

The other guy rolled his eyes and sighed. “Well, he’s special in his own way. Just, don’t imagine stupid things in your head. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Asahi pursed his lips and muttered. “Special my ass.”

Ikuya gave him a glare and he flinched. But he welcomed the news and was glad, how it turned out between them. His eyes were locked into Ikuya’s, he smiled. Slowly, he stroked his hand through the long green hair and caressed his temple with the tip of his thumb.

“I don’t wanna think about it anymore. You are the only thing what’s important to me. I wanna be with you from now on, without looking at the past. You are mine to love, now and forever.”

He couldn’t help being flustered again. Ikuya’s blush crept up to his ears. He was happy, and it was exactly what he wanted as well. “I agree. No swimming in the past anymore, only into the future.” It sounded perfect in his ears, and he smiled, imagining for a moment how great that would be, being together forever.

The redhead came closer again and put his arms around the smaller one. Slowly, he stroked over his lower back and kissed Ikuya softly again. “Can I stay with you, tonight...”, he whispered on the lips.

“What are you talking about, you know there’s a sleepover at my brother’s house...”, he said a little irritated, not getting at first what Asahi meant.

Asahi chuckled and winked at him, lickings slowly over his lips. “I mean with YOU, spending the night together.”

Now the bells rang, and pretty loud. Ikuya stared at him, his eyes widened and blushing a new record. Softly, he pushed him away and snorted. “Don’t get too cocky. You can be lucky if I don’t let you do the dishes alone, making you clean the whole house for making me run after you.”

Ikuya turned around with a playful expression. It looked like he was pissed but he chuckled inwardly. Yeah, he definitely wasn’t against it. Spending the night with Asahi would be beautiful, but hell no, he wouldn’t admit it right away. He began to walk back and looked over his shoulder. “Are you coming or what?”

Asahi shook his head and smirked. “No, you wouldn’t do that. We both are in need to catch up on a lot of things, especially with each other.”

He caught up with Ikuya and tangled the fingers with his, walking back to the house, hand in hand. Asahi glanced at Ikuya, who had a soft smile on his lips. “What are you thinking...”, he asked walking next to him in steps.

“Nothing...”, he admitted and glanced at him. “I’m just happy.” He squeezed Asahi’s fingers and brushed over his knuckles.

The redhead leaned closer and placed a kiss on his temple. “I promise you, I’ll make you  even more happy from now on, starting tonight.”

Blushing seemed to be a new hobby of Ikuya. And Asahi made it happen again. He glared at him. “You have no shame, huh? If you keep teasing me, I let you sleep in the cellar. Stupid Monkey.”

He pulled his hand free and started to run. Asahi watched him for a moment and chuckled, shaking his head. “You always keep running away from me. I know I’m going to catch you. You are forever mine.”

Ikuya giggled while he ran back to the house. A blink later, Asahi was on his heels. He caught up, and grasped after his hand, pulling Ikuya right back into his arms. Sadly, his clumsiness caught him off guard, and they both fell down, tripping over Asahi’s foot.

They rolled over the breeds for a few rotations, until Asahi was leaning above Ikuya, both out of breath and grinning like idiots. “You should know, that I will always catch you if you run away from me.”

“I didn’t forget that...”, Ikuya replied with a smile, out of his breath. He folded his arms around the redhead’s neck and drew him closer. “That’s why you are my hero.” Their mouths met once again, and this time the kiss was more passionate.

They were lost in their own little world again, kissing each other like there would be no tomorrow. Right next to them, there was still the party going on, they could hear it loud and clear. But both weren’t ready to go back inside. They wanted to enjoy this kiss a little longer, rolling in the grass like lovey-dovey teens.

 

~TBC~


End file.
